when i was on tour last december i took this picture, being from NJ its funny but the LAPD was like saying OCP or Cyberdyne to me, lol.
How to Tour in a Band or Whatever
by Thor Harris
1-Don’t Complain. Bitching, moaning, whining is tour cancer. If something is wrong fix it or shut the fuck up you fucking dick. goddamn.
2-If you fart, claim it.
3-Don’t Lose shit. Everybody loses shit. Don’t fucking do it. Asshole.
4-Don’t fuck anyone in the band. There are tons of people to fuck who are not in this band. Dumbass.
5-If you feel like shit all the time, drink less beer at the gig. You will play better & feel better. What are you… a child? Some have the endurance for self abuse. Most don’t.
6-Remember the soundman’s name. He will do a better job.
7- Eat oranges. Cures constipation & prevents colds.
8-Masturbate. Duh… Where & when? Be creative. You’re an artist right?
9-If YOU can’t carry your suitcase 3 blocks, it’s too goddamn big.
10-Respect public space in the van. Don’t clutter, you Fuck.
11-If you borrow something, return it. Not Fucked Up.
12-Do not let the promoter dick you or talk you out of the guarantee. If there were not enuf people there, it’s their fault.
13- Driver picks the music.
14-One navigator only (usually sitting shotgun). Everyone else shut the fuck up.
15-Soundcheck is for checking sounds. Shut the fuck up while everyone else is checking.
16-Don’t wander off. Let someone know where you are.
17-Clean up after yourself. What are you… a goddamn toddler?
18-Touring makes everyone bi-polar. Ride the waves as best you can and remember, moods pass. So don’t make any snap decisions or declarations when you are drunk or insane.
19-Fast food is Poison.
20-The guestlist is for friends, family & people you might want to fuck. Everyone else can pay. They have day jobs.
21- Don’t evaluate your whole life while you’re sitting in a janitor closet waiting to go on. You think you’re above having shitty days at work? Shut up & do your goddamn job.
This list was written under the influence of lots of esspresso & anti-depressants while on tour w/ such greats as Shearwater, Swans, Smog, Lisa Germano, Angels of Light, Bill Callahan & many more. I hope this list will help you get along w/ your co-workers whatever your job is. Contributions to the list by Jordan Geiger, Kimberly Burke, Brian Orloff, Brian Phillips Celebrity Gang Bang, Kevin Schneider, Jonathan Meiburg, Michael Gira and some other folks.
Thanks for not being an asshole, Thor Harris
okay, so Choke from the hardcore band Slapshot made a post one day like a year or two ago saying that ’ heres the new slapshot shirt’ - and posted this pic. it was up for like an hour and then ‘bam - gone’ - someone reported it. Choke spazzed out on his page that ‘if you dont think this is funny or appropriate you have misunderstood what Slapshot is about all along , and delete yourself ” - SOOoOoooo - yeah, i just ran across the image on one of my hard drives, figured i would post it.
nice. i didn’t write or post anything last night on my tumblr, or too crazy on facebook, but man could i not get out of bed. anyway, lucky me, unlucky you. lol. wonder if i sent any text messages or emails? boring update, i know. better to not hit enter? probably. however, i will make up for this boring-ness by adding what i did find on my facebook last night… last night… i apparently ( between watching beetlejuice cartoons ) was watching #vice documnetaries and watched one on Fucking Donkeys. no… not on fucking donkeys, but on actually FUCKING SOME DONKEYS.,…
it lets me upload pics in groups of ten. i have soooo much stuff i have found over the years online saved on hard drives, figured this would be a great spot to dump i all.